I expected the culture crash to be lacking metrication, but here we are

I have not known enough Americans IRL to really tell how many of the stereotypes are true, but I'm ghosting my Noom coach because her faux friendliness makes me uncomfortable.

To my own defence, I'm there for the easy calorie counting and the categories of food which I mostly knew but are eye-opening for sure. I like the weight-tracking graph and the peppy ~psychology of weight loss~ lessons, desperately trying to be hip though they might be. It's very friendly and supportive, and I like it!

But the lady in the chat who is paid to talk about my ~goals~ lowkey freaks me out.

I'm honestly not entirely certain if it is her being all friendly with me. It is entirely on brand with the app itself, so the affected tone might just be the natural byproduct of stock phrases she's required to use during customer interaction. But god damn, it is so hard to take it seriously. I'm not here because of grand visions about my life and you're not my friend and frankly it's just creepy when you "can tell that I'm really motivated for this journey" because of some BS ~super goal~ the app required me to enter.

I put "look good in a waistcoat" as my ultimate goal because that was the most concrete thing I could think of in my rush to finish the sign-up. It's not that deep. I'm just overweight enough for it to border on unhealthy, I've thought of myself as fat ever since I was five (and patently wasn't), and I felt like finally doing something about it. I want to know I'm in the healthy bracket, I want a lighter body when I run, I'm tired of feeling like I can't wear cute clothes. My breasts are too tiny for my belly fat to be pretty. I've been doing 5:2 for years and dropped 10 kilo from that, but since I've been stuck at in the lower-to-mid seventies since 2015, I clearly need to do something with what I eat.

The "goal coach" feels like the embodiment of that stereotype about Americans and their therapists. It isn't like I don't want advice and encouragement, but the familiar adress is just so, so out of place. Look, Ashley, I'm a name and a profile pic and a questionaire and nothing more to you. You don't need to talk as if you're my guide to enlightenment. I appreciate your purpose and I wouldn't mind having some stranger pick my brain about it, normally, but I never asked for a personal lifestyle blogger. Please can you tone it down a little and treat me like a grown-up so that I'm not afraid to talk to you.

ETA: scrolled through my tag just to see what kind of stuff I'd put up there, and lo and behold, from march 2017:



Hah.